Drowning Isn’t an Option

A few years ago I had the strangest thought take residence in my mind.

It nagged and nagged at me with constant cadence. So I succumbed.

I signed up for the Walt Disney World Mother’s Day Triathlon Sprint (a sprint is the same idea as a regular triathlon, but less mileage.) In my thought process I was already biking a lot and I loved swimming, so I just needed to step up on the running/walking. I could do that!

It began.

I joined a gym so that I had access to a pool. I was buffeting my body, doing the things. Losing some weight, gaining some muscle, and getting a bit faster. I felt good about this decision. The only thing that I did not do, as yet, was try the distance I needed to in a real lake. There were several triathletes in my church at the time and they all said that I needed to go to Lucky’s Lake. Being an athlete himself, Lucky decided to share his lake with hundreds of people every week, so that they could have the experience they needed. Fantastic! I set a date on the calendar.

Meanwhile. . .

A sizable group of ladies planned a trip to take our kids to the beach for a day. It was a beautiful day. Lots of people crowded the shores. We were on the west coast, so there were beautiful, big body surfing waves. My oldest son and my friend’s daughter were with me riding the waves and having a blast. We were about chest deep when all of a sudden, we weren’t.

The waves we had been riding were no longer taking us anywhere. We were in a hole, churning, stuck in a rip current.

We did not know this at first, so we spent considerable energy trying to take on these impotent waves. The kids were very tired, so I took turns holding each of them up while the other treaded water. I was treading water too. It did not take long before we were all three totally drained. We tried screaming and waving. However, even though the shore and water were overrun with people, no one saw our fear and panic. At this point, I was trying to decide which child I should try to save first because I could not hold up both. I know that sounds dramatic, but that was where we were. That was when I finally caught the eye of a complete stranger. There was a non-English-speaking tourist bobbing around on his boogie board. I gestured, demanding he come over. We all clung to his board when he arrived. I believe this is when he finally realized what was happening. Unfortunately, we all could not get on the board. He gestured to me that I was to stay and that he would take the kids. I hated this plan, but had no choice since he basically pushed me off of it. The kids turned around as they broke past the current. I waved and smiled as my mind assented, “I’m as good as dead.” I tried desperately to find a way out of the hole, but found no traction. Then my big toe hit sand. I stood for a moment and caught my breath as I intermittently kept going under, swallowing gallons of water. Such relief in that brief moment! Then I fell into a hole on the other side. I fought again to find a ridge of sand. I did! Toe by toe, I fought my way back to the kids on the shore. The three of us wept at the feet of the stranger.

Despite that day at the beach, I continued on with my training which landed me on the shores of Lucky’s Lake. Before I could go into the water, I had to sign a waiver that said, “If I die, it’s my own fault” (slightly paraphrasing). I looked at the course that was marked by buoys. It led us straight across this large lake to the other shore–which I could barely make out in the distance– then back to his house. There would be no one on the course to help if something went wrong. Although my friend Rachel came with me to cheer me on, she was not suited up.

I was alone in a huge crowd of strangers, or so I thought.

When the signal sounded for us to begin our go-round, I waited for the super buff people to head out first (I didn’t want them to be intimidated by my mad skills.) Once they were far ahead enough, I waded into the water. The first thing that struck me was that, almost immediately, the lake floor gave way to a deep expanse. I could not touch– just like in the ocean. Then, I noticed that once I put my face in the water, although I had fancy goggles, I could not see. At all. I tried swimming, but I was not going anywhere. No rip current was pulling me back; just unadulterated, freshwater fear.

I had never had a panic attack before, but I flat out
lost
my
mind.
I turned around and seeing Rachel started bawling at her, “ I CAN’T!” Snot gagged me and my chest was constricted. I couldn’t catch my breathe. I knew I would die if I proceeded. I doggy paddled my way back towards the shore, because I was afraid to put my head under, plus I was still yelling, “I CAN’T!” Then I heard her voice. . .

“YES YOU CAN!!!”

I turned around to see my friend Meredith, who was there to train my other friend Deb, swimming towards me. I did not even know she was there. She demanded me to turn around and swim. I refused. If you know Meredith at all there are basic things you just acknowledge 1. She does not take NO for an answer 2. She loves Jesus and knows her scripture 3. She is loud– like really loud. She used all those natural gifts to coax me away from the shore. Praying with me, she reminded me who I was and what I was capable of doing because of Jesus and hard training. Somehow she was able to out-shout the fear that was shrieking in my mind. (I should note that the first people out were now returning to shore and I felt so lame) But I let the shoreline release it’s grip on me and Meredith swam next to me the entire way. During our swim she exclaimed scripture, prayed, coached me through different techniques, and encouraged me as a friend. All of this was heard by everyone as her voice echoed across the lake. She did not care. She was focused on me and I on her. Once to the other shore, I asked her to swim back and tell Rachel to pick me up. She refused. We repeated the same actions back to the safety of land on the opposite shore.

Meredith had a choice that day. She could have stayed with Deb (who was rocking it by the way) or step into my hot mess. I will always be indebted to the fact that she never left me for a second, coaching me through a life-changing moment. Even after that day, she continued to love, encourage and train me so that I could regain my confidence in the water. The best part was hearing her cowbell ring loudly as she screamed my name, through tears, as I exited the lake on the day of the Tri.

I told you that to tell you this:

1 John 4:18
But perfect love drives out fear.

Fear had gripped my mind. I would have succumbed to its pressure if Meredith did not remind me God was greater than all my fears. But Meredith would not have known to do that if I was silently drowning like I had nearly done in the ocean.

If you feel like you are drowning:
—— s p e a k u p ——

Keep speaking until you are heard. On the flip side, friends, don’t let friends drown. We are not the saviors–God is, but He may need you to remind them. All too often we are tempted to be the lifeboat, but then we foster a dependency that is unhealthy. Meredith did not grab and drag me across the water, she lovingly and loudly reminded me that all I needed was already there and that I had to dig deep.

Friends, learn your scriptures. That truth will be the bit of sand your toe can dig into and lead you to safety.

P.S. The title was stolen from my son’s summer (beach) camp itinerary.