Meandering.
What a fun word. One could almost envision its meaning by saying the word slowly.
Meeeaaaanderrrring.
To wander aimlessly.
For me, wandering aimlessly in a retail store is therapeutic. “Retail therapy”- it’s a thing. Although, I do believe that concept involves actually buying things. Instead, during this time of euphoric disengagement, I just walk around filling my cart with whatever piece of apparel, chachki, or enticer that happens to catch my eye, or ignite my imagination. These coveted items appear to be exactly what I need to enhance my life, or at the very least, fulfill a certain need.
But, then, I keep walking……
After a while, I begin to question my choices.
“What was I thinking?! Do I really need a peacoat in Florida!?”
“Seriously, Andria, there is a line between quirky and ugly. You have crossed it!”
By the time I have circled the store 3 or 4 times, I have fallen out of love with most of the wares in my cart. Then, I painstakingly return each item back to its original home because, yes, I am that person.
What remains, however, are items I truly value. I then feel justified with the purchases I am making. The exchange of work/time/sacrifice for the “treasures” weighs out evenly.
However……
I have been known to fill up my cart with items, not because I love them or because they fulfill a purpose, but based solely on the fact that they were on clearance. The combination of retail therapy and shopper’s high takes my normal sober judgment and wads it up; discarding it next to a sticky Starbucks cup in the nearest receptacle. Mind you, these items may be amazing. Not junk at all. But they just don’t fit me, or my life. Yet, I feel compelled to take them home and fit them in, somehow.
Not that long ago, I came across the mother load of clearance. It felt like Heaven itself shined down, illuminating what others seemed to be passing. There, before my eyes, was a covey of articles -all 75-90% off! Jesus loves me!!!
I loaded up!
I realized that some of the things did not match my aesthetic. That I may have to change a few things to accommodate these newfound pieces. I was OK with that. Change is good, right? Who cares if I am not a Seminoles fan. The sweatshirt is $7! I am still a Buckeyes fan at heart!!
While I was tucked away in a corner of the woman’s department, euphorically giggling as I was reviewing my soon-to-be purchases, Jesus began to speak. Honestly, all I wanted Him to say was Well done, good and faithful servant. Sadly, that was not the case.
He wanted me to do another lap.
As I circled the store, yet another time, I began to see the future purchases in a different light. Jesus began to show me that even though these goods were cheap, there will be a price paid.
I then began to wonder whether they were worth the price, even if it was heavily discounted.
I remembered reading in the Bible about how wise Kings count the cost before going to war. My cost was not just at the teller, but in how I incorporated these things into my life. Maybe, I was supposed to purchase them, but not for me. Or, I was being selfish, hoarding blessings.
Ugh. I was coming off my high.
Jesus kept talking.
He began to show me how my life was like this cart. I go around, daily, picking up attitudes, opinions, desires, knowledge, relationships, and whatever else that sparks my interest. Some of the “treasures” in my cart are exactly what I need, But some are not. I need to be a wise King. Are these things going to better equip me for the daily war against my flesh, or Satan himself? Or is this a distraction? Something that does not add value, but costs me dearly? Sometimes I even allow others to put things in my cart. I pay the cost for purchasing their attitudes and opinions.
If I do not take the time to circle around before purchasing the things in my cart, what happens next? Next, I purchase the wares without tallying the cost of my time, talent, and knowledge. Sometimes that means I try to clothe myself in something that does not fit me. It is not my mantle to wear. Or I bring home an attitude or fear that displaces peace and wisdom. Or I give up a piece of my home for a relationship, solely based on the fact that it was on clearance and did not require much sacrifice from me. Exchanging love for lust. Or companionship for real friendship.
Jesus wanted me to be mindful of what I fill my cart with. He knows me well. He knows what will cause me to shine with confidence, peace, and joy. He knows the tools I need to tackle the next project. He knows how to nourish me and make me flourish. He even knows what relationships will sharpen me, causing me not to grow dull.
I don’t wander aimlessly much anymore. But if I do….
I count the cost of what is in my cart. Then, I take a lap.
