Imagine, if you will.
You are alone in bed; sleeping contently.
When you are startled awake by a sudden rush of lava cascading over every ounce of your inner being (only women of a certain age will understand this fully.) This river of burning molten may not be visible to the naked eye, yet its heat is so intense that it creates pools of moisture flooding every crevasse in your body. It is then that you seek relief. Change locations. Dry and cool are the goals. Once your destiny is found, you settle in to continue your slumber, but, unbeknownst to you, your body continues to seek relief from this inner storm. It takes you to the edge of your reality. Literally, You end up on the completely opposite side of the bed.
Here is the problem with being somewhere you feel is familiar…. You naturally do what has worked before.
You may ask, What is the big deal with that?
Let me continue the story.
You are now positioned on the edge of a new reality. In your previous reality, you could roll to your right and find a comfy new position to sleep. In this new placement, rolling to the right meant plummeting into the abyss. The underlying problem here is the sleep factor. You lay alone in your oblivion. You are relaxed in the newfound relief from your previous torture. Therefore, your habits, and rote movements, take over. You turn.
As you most likely have already concluded, this story is mine. I have chosen to include you in the journey of remembrance because I want you to have a deeper understanding of my plight. So, please continue to imagine yourself there, but you need to know the details of my surroundings.
I have been in homes where the master bedroom is quite sizable. A room where people have sitting chairs where they drink coffee/wine and converse with their spouse. Rooms where you can move around the bed easily. This is not my room.
We have a king-size bed in a room not too much bigger than the furniture. The walls in this room are heavily textured. Tuscan style. These details need to be edited in your mind picture, because they are important. Back to the story.
You roll to your right….
There is nothing.
No pillow.
No mattress.
Your left leg, which initiated the turnover, is now flailing. It does what any leg would do in this situation. It panics. It wants to stop what is happening. The rest of your body comes to its senses quickly–protect. You protect by tucking in. Bracing for impact. But there is that other part of you that will not accept the new reality. It wants to fight. Specifically, your foot karate chops the wall.
Once the descent comes to an abrupt ending, your mind needs a minute to catch up to your new surroundings. You sit and aggressively ponder, “What the (insert your own) just happened!? How did I get to this place???? This was not the plan!”
Yet here I am.
What now?
The first thing you do is do a systems check.
Head? Good
Shoulders? Good
knees? Good
Toes? Not so good
You touch your throbbing foot. It’s moist (yup, I said it.) Really not so good.
At this point, you realize you must shine the light on the situation. To assess your new reality. To invite in help. But you just sit. In the dark. Knowing everything just changed, and it hurts.
Now what?
Good question.
My story ended with a tearful conversation and a trip to the clinic; revealing two broken toes and a bit more damage.
But where will yours end?
Assess your situation. Where are you? Are you content where you thought you should be?
Is something burning within you that makes you want to change locations?
Are you somewhere physically, emotionally, or spiritually new, yet you are still doing the same rote, familiar things that you have done before?
Or, do you feel you have lost your way and have plummeted into darkness, and have been hurt?
Perhaps you are ready to admit your pain and ask for help.
For me, it’s time to rely on God, and heal.
“But those that trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar on wings like eagles..” Isaiah 40:31
