shut the back door

b e s t
adjective | \best\
: better than all others in quality or value
: most skillful, talented, or successful
: most appropriate, useful, or helpful

f r i e n d
noun | \’frend\
: a person who you like and enjoy being with
: a person who helps or supports someone or something (such as a cause or charity)

b e s t f r i e n d
: one’s closest and dearest friend

When I think about the term best friend I think about freedom.

I mean, you are truly choosing to allow another free-feeling & thinking, uncontrollable, wild-in-their-own-right creature to see the best and the worst of yourself; choosing to allow the Jericho walls of insecurities to come a-tumbling down. And then trusting them to do with that what they will.

Granting entrance into the inner workings of your heart and mind, with the firm hope that your “person” will not mock, scold, vomit or run is a risky business.

It’s a practice in unpolished exposure, which is not an alluring thought for us (or at least me) these days when the rest of the world we run around in seems so adept in artistically filtered presentation.

In such a relationship, your dreams are divulged; your secrets brought into light (and sometimes that light can feel like that disconcerting fluorescent bathroom lighting of an old Walmart). Who you really are– the good, the bad and the fugly– sit there in that clearing of free access. Just you and that other person.

Even after you have met that select other, or others, who have managed to fight through your robustly built stalwart of defenses and excuses, can you trust them with a key to that place? That place of spiritual and emotional nakedness?

No.

Because the actual key to your heart can’t be held by another person of any sort– no matter how wonderful they are. In its very design the key can’t be wielded by another human being with finesse. It doesn’t belong to purely human hands. It belongs to Christ. He is the one who sits on the throne in your innermost being. We are to trust Him with all of our heart. Yet, He tells us to guard our own hearts, being careful with whom we become companions. He knows that “bad company” will corrupt good morals. If Jesus is taken off that throne of rulership and replaced by anyone else, that key is now transferred to that person. Even the most loving, well-intentioned friend will disappoint and have the ability to walk out, leaving you the materials to rebuild your walls; to be enclosed in your loneliness.

Why then do we run such risks to have a “best friend”?

Because Jesus needs them.

There is so much He wants to reveal to us about His nature, His love, and even His wrath. And many of these invaluable teaching points are cut off on their way into changing us for our beautification and His glory because they can’t make their way through our web of fear, anger, disillusionment and sin. It stunts us. We exist “protected” from all the elements needed to live a life of freedom. Yes, it is a strange sort of freedom. A freedom to die.

To die to our own twisted wants and desires in order for Christ to be lifted higher than ourselves. If we lift Him high. “He will draw all men to Himself.” That is the goal. He uses our own relationships to help achieve that goal.

Many times we find ourselves unable to hear the still small voice of the Holy Spirit that draws us to the feet of our teacher and ultimate friend, Jesus. We are wrapped up in our own daily lives and understandably so, for it provides many wrappings with which to bind us. Thus, we give what we can give and often exhaust ourselves protecting what we have left over. But when a Christ-filled friend “who sticks closer than a brother (or sister)” begins to chase us down, wading through the muck stewing in our minds and hearts, he/she is being used by Christ to pull back the dense debris and let light into the shadows.

Proverbs 27:17

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

It is our legacy to inspire each other to be wiser and better. We have the power of toolship (meant in the best way), wielded by God, in the lives of one another. Therefore, we have to always be cognizant of our role.

To become more like Christ I must give Him access to my hurts and pain and clear out the thoughts that I placed higher than Him; thoughts that say, “this suffering defines me.” Very often this is achieved through a friendship that has created a safe place to expose those thoughts and allow truth to be spoken instead. How brilliant!

John 15:13

Greater love has no one than this: that a man lay down his life for his friends.

Perhaps we are not necessarily taking a bullet for each other, but a friendship of this caliber does involve an exceeding (heroic) amount of death to self– with total and consistently renewed willingness to whatever is required in order for our friends to hear the Holy Spirit and respond to His leading.

Keep in mind, this type of relationship is equal-access exposure. Otherwise, we will just be a therapist. It is navigating marriage, children, church, work, other relationships, and everyday minutia with the assistance of someone whose most ardent desire is for you to be more like Christ as well. You both represent Jesus not only with every hug given, tear wiped away, and truth spoken; but also with every deep laugh and silly moment.

Guard your heart, for sure, but when Jesus opens it to allow a friend entrance. . . shut the back door.
Don’t leave it open, with one foot out the door so you have a quick escape route or leaving open the option to push them out once they begin to see your “dirty house.” It’s more committal than that and not for the namby pamby. Choose to step both feet into another’s life, and allow them into yours; choose to leave your heart open in the redemptive work of the cross. God has them there for a purpose. Thank God for them. It is an honor for you both.

Also, the key is in the hands of your Father. So, when or if the purpose of your relationship comes to an end, He will release you both. You will be wiser and better for having them in your life– when you do things God’s way.

That’s really what I think this whole “Doorway Project” is about: pictures of doors and reminders of the goodness, the challenge and the reality of relationships done God’s way . . . via my own unfiltered exposure.